“You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It’s their mistake, not my failing.”
― Richard Feynman
I was pursuing a particular line of career.
I left it few months back.
I realized it soon enough that it is not my cup of tea. Not necessarily hard or bad but something which I find no interest in.
And, simply put, I couldn’t see myself doing that thing for my entire life.
So, I took the decision to not pursue it anymore.
Simple enough, right?
For the initial months, I felt like some criminal where people were asking me questions and I was explaining myself in the court of law.
“No, no, that’s not why I left it..”
“No, that’s not what I meant..”
“But, I had valid reasons to do so..”
These became the initial dialogues with what followed was a defense as to why I was right in doing what I do.
And I don’t blame people.
The problem was with me.
I felt this unquenchable thirst to go around and explain myself.
To go around and justify my actions.
To go around and say and try to prove that I was right.
And, if you’re anything like me, you do the same.
You go around explaining as to why you are correct.
You go around justifying your words and your actions, even though it doesn’t have to do anything with other people.
You go telling in a hope that everyone would agree with you. And will support you. And pat your back.
Listen. Listen, hard. You don’t need to do that.
People who require an explanation from you, they won’t understand you anyways. You cannot control how they think, how they feel about you. You cannot. So let go of that need. Really.
And people who matter- really close people to you- they might worry about you for some days but they’ll understand you eventually. They will know why you did it. They will support you. They’ll stand beside you and they’ll stand behind you when you fall. Because for them: you’re enough.
You don’t need to explain your actions. Really.
If you’re sure about what you’re doing. If you know what you’re doing. You’re good to go.
When you go and explain yourself, it seems you’re guilty of something. And, you’re explaining your way out of it.
Are you guilty if you’re taking control back your life?
Are you guilty if you’re letting go of shitty relations?
Are you guilty if you’re leaving behind the past and starting afresh?
Are you guilty if you choose happiness?
Are you guilty if you choose to follow your dreams?
No, you’re not. You’re not guilty.
And, it is not people’s fault. They don’t live your life. They don’t know how you’re feeling. They can’t understand.
They will think what they want to.
And, YOU can’t control that.
You can’t control what people think.
In the process of trying, you’ll be destroying yourself.
Your beliefs. Your dreams. And, your own self. The self-confidence.
The only person who deserves an explanation of your actions is yourself. No one else. Just you.
Solution to this?
Stop explaining yourself.
Stop explaining who you’re. Stop explaining why you do what you do. Stop explaining and justifying each of your life’s action.
Really, you think they’ll understand why you took that divorce or why you quit that job or why you changed that career or why you went into a relationship with that person or why you let go of that relation or why you do what you do?
They won’t. They can’t. So stop trying. Just stop. Put an end to it.
It is OK to explain sometimes, when you feel you’re misunderstood, or if you have hurt someone mistakenly: it is OK. But don’t feel obligated to explain yourself.
You’re not obligated to explain yourself to anyone.
You’re not obligated to justify your choices.
You deserve to be happy. And until your decision doesn’t harm anyone, you’re free to choose happiness.
And you don’t owe an explanation as to why you chose happiness.
Just remember: You can’t control other people’s thinking. You simply cannot. So there is no point of explanation or justification.
And people who matter will understand without explaining or justifying.
Go now. Be awesome.
1) Stop Justifying your feelings– Tiny Wisdom
2) You Don’t Need To Explain Yourself– The Minimalists
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