You Are An Advertisement.

You read it right: the sentence doesn’t have a typo. I could have said we are ‘consumers’ or we are people who buy crap we don’t need to impress everyone around. But the truth is far more heinous: we’re advertisements.

Somewhere, a group of people, are getting paid outrageous amounts for having us — to put it mildly — as a walking billboard, promoting their brand for them. The game is twisted: advertisers make us believe that it is our privilege to use their product.

We’re lucky; our stars are fucking aligned, getting a chance to go out and be an advertisement so that they can earn more money.

tattoos, advertisements, that indian minimalist

Such brands. Much wow.

Here’s what being an advertisement sounds like:

I am typing this on my Mac, as I sip my Starbucks Coffee with my name wrongly spelt on the cup. iPhone organises my notes: I have to finish writing this post in an hour. It’s 4 PM right now, as per my Rolex. Afterwards, I will change into my Adidas running suit and Nike running shoes. I will take my FitBit and run while listening to inspirational music through my Beats. In between, I will stop and drink water from my overly expensive bottle that filters the water every time I take a sip. Also, I also have a unicorn in my basement, and it will tell me fairy tales as I fall asleep.

Okay, the last part is a bit exaggerated.

Again, am I saying there is something inherently wrong with buying or even buying these brands? No.

All I am trying to point out is how we’re being used to advertise, and how we partake in it every single day without noticing or flinching.

The message is loud and clear: we’re inadequate, worthless, and incomplete until we have certain specific stuff made and designed by individual brands. The promise of the entry into wonderland once you cut that fat cheque to multi-billionaire corporates.

We need to snap out. And it’s hard to do so.

Advertisements are everywhere: television, radio, roads, public transportation, footpaths, the internet, and even public bathrooms. And since a long time, they have it figured: humans are the best advertisements. So, with all their might and money, they are here to convert us.

bathroom stall, advertisements, that Indian minimalist

I can’t pee without someone trying to re-finance my mortgage.

What can you do to avoid being an advertisement for someone?

It all comes to down to not buying to impress. Why do you need to buy a branded product if a less-expensive (but still good quality) substitute can carry out the same function? Are you afraid that other people will judge you for not keeping up with the trends? Good news: they’ll judge you either way.

So, read this brilliant article by Wait But Why and step out of this shitty-advertiser cycle.

At this point, you might be wondering: You’re talking about the concepts. But is there anything I can do to apply them?

Don’t buy any brand for a month. Find cheaper alternatives. If you want to go into a hardcore mode, don’t purchase anything for a month. See how it makes you feel: are you anxious? How does not wearing recognisable brands make you feel? Do you feel vulnerable? Do you feel liberated?

Tweak around, experiment, and curate a lifestyle that suits you.

I don’t buy brands, and my clothes don’t carry a logo. Will I never purchase a brand? Again, I have nothing against buying: the idea is to make a conscious choice with the intention of plain utility and not showing off.

Next time, you think about purchasing something just because of a brand: imagine yourself running naked on the streets with nothing but different coloured logos stuck all over you.

Like the imagery in your head?
Thought so.

Coffee Conversations- Nothing to do with you.

 

*If you’re new to Coffee Conversations, check out the introduction and first post of this series over here

I received this mail around a week ago:

“Hey, Hardik! I am 24-year-old girl living in Dayton, Ohio and I love reading your writing. They really inspire me! I wanted to have a conversation with you about how one can still be compassionate and kind in a scenario where the other person is shouting and is extremely angry and is criticizing you. I try hard but more often than not, I end up shouting and getting angry as well which really makes the scenes worse than they already are. What do you in a similar situation? Waiting for a reply! Thank you.”

This one is a tough cookie, eh?

We all often advice and are advised to be calm during a fight or an argument or a scenario which is getting unnecessarily heated up. But more often than not, we give and start shouting and howling ourselves which in all honesty makes the scenes worse than they already were.

I am working with a youth organization since years and when you do work with people with varied interests, there are bound to occur differences in opinions and I can remember so many occasions where situation could have been handled in a much better way than it was.

Also, when it comes to my parents, I believe that things would have been better with them, if instead of arguing rashly and fighting, I could have just been calm and patience in the situation.

So, yes. This is the arena where I myself have faltered a lot.

But, I am growing out of it. I am learning.

And for that, I follow one philosophy, one thing which helps me to stay calm and handle the situation in a so much better manner.

Whenever a situation gets worse– where people are blaming me, shouting or getting angry or all in all behaving in an extremely horrid manner, I deal with as if it has nothing to do with me.

Yes, that’s the key. And it has truth to it.

Let me give you an example:

Imagine XYZ is your boss. He comes to the office and started behaving rudely to you. He shouts on you, argues with you, throws files on your table and tells you lot of things. What is the general reaction? You’ll probably want to rip his head, which is fair. But think about it does it have anything to do with you? Most likely not. He must be having a bad day. Probably fought with his wife or lost some money in share-market or something of that sort.

You’re just the trigger. So if it has nothing to do with you, why you want to get into an aggressive mode?

You can be calm and compassionate and try to understand the entire situation. I am not saying that let him treat you badly. But you definitely also don’t want to start howling that would just make the things worse.

So be calm, think peacefully, form a proper statement to give him, probably ask him if everything is OKAY or not. Chances are he’ll cool down.

Whenever I travel in Local Trains, I see so many people shouting on each other and howling and abusing, all on a stranger. They’re just venting it out. It has nothing to do with the person. He was just a trigger.

This applies to almost all cases.

Even when it is directly related to you, it is not you.

It is generally the expectations.

So when people see that or feel that, you haven’t fulfilled their expectations, they go nuts and start shouting and howling. I am not saying, they’re wrong or something. But the fact is, it has nothing to do with you. It is do with them and their expectations.

So why are you taking it personally and losing your cool?

There will be cases where you know you aren’t at fault and there will be cases where you know you are wrong.

Deal both with compassion and kindness and sense of calmness.

Know that the opposite person’s screaming and losing the temper has nothing to do with you.

You, in most cases, act as a trigger.

So don’t lost your calm. Don’t lose your cool. Handle the situation with compassion and ease. With a cool mind. Apologize where necessary and be firm on your point in a calm manner when you feel you’re right.

But don’t get angry. Or abuse. Or howl. Or throw things. Or beat people down.

That is futile. It just worsens the situation and chances are you’ll regret it later.

Deal with such situations as if you’re an outsider. And in all honesty, you’re an outsider.

It has to with them. Their anxiety, their problems, their life. So deal with compassion, deal with niceness, deal with calmness.

And always remember, It has nothing to do with you.

*If you want to discuss anything. I will love to respond to it. Through mail or blog. You can mail me at hardik94nagar@gmail.com or send me a message over twitter.

* Before posting anything, ThatIndianMinimalist always takes prior permission from the person.

*If you liked this post please follow this blog via mail or for your WordPress reader. I would love the inspiration.

* Also bookmark the permalink on StumbleUpon and other sites. I would really appreciate it. Keep commenting. Thank you! Love.

Coffee Conversations- Love moves on as well.

 

Coffee Conversation- That Indian Minimalist.
I am blessed. No really.

It has been beautiful almost 4 months of this blog. I started it with an aim to create value. And, I am glad that on so many levels, it is doing exactly that.

I have been receiving mails lately of how the blog is creating impact in people’s life. And, I am overwhelmed and humbled by it.

But the best part is that, I have also been receiving queries and doubts where people want to have a conversation about their life with me. And, I absolutely love it.

However, sometimes I know the question they’ve asked is something which many people face trouble with.

And from now on, whenever I come across such a question, it’ll be formed under the new series– Coffee Conversations.

Why this name? For two reasons.

One that I believe that I am having a conversation. As how friends will. Not a therapy session. Not a consulting session. But a friend conversing with another.

Two that I love coffee and I always prefer writing with a cup of it.

I received this question the past week:

“Hey, Hardik. I read your post on letting go of shitty relationships. It indeed did inspired me to let go many people in my life. But I am in a relationship and it is going terrible. We fight regularly, we don’t talk for days. I have a feeling that it is not right any more. I have tried to fix it so many times. But it keeps getting worse and is really draining me down. But, I am afraid to break up and let go of him because we’ve been relationship for long. How can it go off-track? I always thought that once you love someone, it stays that way. Why am I not feeling it any more? Am I at fault? Would love your views on it! ”

And, I started thinking on it.

We often have a hard time letting of shitty relations.

But, it is easier to let go of probably people you’ve met in recent time and know them as acquaintance or a casual friend.

But what about say your partner or your best friend from years?

What about a relation wherein both the people have given years of trust and love?

And what about a relation which was seemingly formed and thrived because two person ‘love’ each other?

Such a relation becomes difficult to let go. To move out from. I’ve been working in a youth organization since years and have seen many people discussing to me about their relations.

How the relation and person is affecting them negatively but they still can’t let go of it.

And I often ask, “Why?”

And they say because they love the person.

And I ask, “Really? Then what’s the problem?”

And they say, “But it doesn’t feel like that any more.”

I have been there.

A lot of times.  And it is tough.

The idea we have of love is seemingly different from what it really is.

We see it as something eternal. Something which lasts forever and probably as something which can never change.

From my own experience and from the people, I’ve seen.

I don’t think that’s the case.

If you think deeply, love or hate or jealousy or for that matter any other emotion has hardly anything to do with you.

It is generally about what you do and what you have.

So, if I have been in a relation since long, the other person is with me because he finds value when he is with me.

In form of trust and love, care and fun. An ear to listen and probably someone who’ll be there with him at any cost.

He knows what I contribute to the relation. So, he stays with me.

But people change and grow. And circumstances too. So chances might be there that, they grow apart.

So it might happen that after a year or two, I might not find the same value in the relationship, I see now.

And, I might grow out of it. Am I being immoral? No. Am I being wrong? I guess not.

Any relation takes efforts. Both the person have to contribute towards each other, they have found value in being with each other. That’s what love is. To find value and to give value.

It is depended on each other.

If someday, you stop finding value, you’ll feel like growing out of it.

If someday, the other person stops giving value, you’ll feel what we generally say, “it doesn’t feel right.”

But we generally still cling to the relations. Out of feeling that how can we not love any longer? Or how can we grow apart? Or did this thing change?

But, the cold truth–Things change. People grow. Value diminishes.

And even after that, if we keep clinging, it only causes misery. It will cause pain, a continuous one.

Don’t get me wrong. I value the emotion. The feeling of love. And the importance of relations. And, I urge you to contribute and give value and feel special.

Human relations are probably the most beautiful thing that can happen to you. A true human relationship,that is.

But also learn to acknowledge when it is not working out any longer.

Acknowledge when you’re not moving in the same direction any longer.

Acknowledge when you’re growing differently.

And, as per me, there is nothing wrong about it, if done honestly and genuinely and with good intention.

How many school friends are you still that much close? Answer probably would be no-one or few at maximum.

Why not? Do you hate them now? No, you don’t hate them.

But times changed. Thinking changed. And you both grew in life differently and in different circumstances.

You can’t hate or blame your school friend for that. Neither can you hate or blame yourself.

So, my thoughts are tough to accept. Tougher to practise.

And you might not agree. And that’s completely fine.

Work on your relations. Give it a chance to thrive again. But what’s the point of any relation if it is causing you misery?

Isn’t the entire point of human relations to make your life more beautiful?

In my life, I have let many people go. Close people. Really close.

There were no fights. There were no abuses. There was no hate.

We accepted that it is not working any longer. We bid goodbye with good memories. And we freed ourselves.

Although it was painful. It was tough. It did hurt.

But it was a right decision.

People change. Relations change. And love will also change.

Work on it. Give it a chance. Talk and discuss. But when you see nothing is working and the relation is just making you more miserable. Give it up. There’s nothing wrong in it.

Every relation has problems. Fights. Arguments. Everything.

Give your best to make it right. Talk to the person. Let your heart out. Who knows it might just be a misunderstanding or an old anger issue?

Be sure of your feelings. Understand why you’re feeling this way.

And then take a step.

But when the misery moments are more than beautiful moments.

I guess, you should rethink then, right?

And you have responsibilities towards yourself.

Give love to yourself.

And in the end, everything changes.

Everything moves on. Love moves on as well.

Don’t be miserable when you can fly. Fly. Fucking fly.


*If you want to discuss anything. I will love to respond to it. Through mail or blog. You can mail me at hardik94nagar@gmail.com or send me a message over twitter.

*If you liked this post please follow this blog via mail or for your WordPress reader. I would love the inspiration.

* Also bookmark the permalink on StumbleUpon and other sites. I would really appreciate it. Keep commenting. Thank you! Love.

Living Without the Mask.

Masked people that Indian Minimalist

“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.” 
― Jim Morrison

I met a friend recently.

She left a text saying that she really wanted to talk.

We got to talking and soon she told me about how she is not really happy with the way, her life is going.

She is not liking it and she doesn’t feel the ownership of her life.

If it was me probably 3 months back, I would’ve judged and told her a rant of how people are like this and that.

But no, I don’t do that any longer. At least, I try not to.

So, I just listened.

And, I could get what she said. I could connect.

Because, I remember facing the same. And, there was a common problem over here.

Living with Masks.

Living in Indian Society, or for that matter any society, is tough.

You’ve countless opinions, suggestions, views bombarded on you, almost every minute.

Countless theories on what works and what doesn’t.  On what is right and what is wrong.

I remember being told so many things at so many times by so many people.

It is tremendously overwhelming.

Easy solution?

What I did and sometimes, to a fault, still do.

Wear a mask.

Feeling sad but don’t want to show? There’s a happy-go-lucky mask for that.

People tell that strong people don’t cry? There’s a Strong faced mask for that.

People don’t like something about me? There’s a pretension mask for that.

Look inside you. There are masks all over the place. Thousands of them, countless of them.

For each time, we got scared.

For each time, we were afraid.

For each time, we feared what people would say.

For each time, we wanted to follow the unconventional path.

For each and every time to replace a genuine emotion.

We took some mask, wore it and hide the real us.

I have been doing it since the longest time.

It’s easy and it helps us to hide amongst the crowd of thousands other people who wear masks everyday and go on with their life.

And the effect is that mask gets embedded so deeply within, you start taking it as your own self. The real you.

But that’s not the real you. It’s not. Your mind knows it, your soul knows it and somewhere deep down you do too.

So the important question comes out: how long and far can you pretend?

You can probably wear the mask in front of me and fool me. Probably fool your family, friends. Even probably fool the entire society.

Can you fool yourself?

I urge you to live without the mask.

Yes, it is a more vulnerable way of living. Yes, it is scary at first. Yes, it is stepping into unknown. And yes, chances are people will get uncomfortable because genuine emotions generally rattle those who wear masks.

But, you know what? It will be OK.

Be your real self.

If you’re sad, you’re sad. Acknowledging it will probably help you identify the root cause and work on it.

If you’re happy, you’re happy. Acknowledge it. Ravel in the joy. Amplify it and share it.

If you don’t like something, tell it. Be honest. Be genuine. Yes, don’t condescend or judge or look down or insult. But be honest. You don’t need to lie to yourself and the other person.

It is OK to have a different opinion. It is OK to have different personality. And it is OK to do something which certain section of people don’t approve.

Unless you’re not harming the interest of other people, you’re good to go.

You don’t need people’s approval for everything. You don’t.They might talk. Let them. They’ll anyway.

Who are you living for? Be genuine to your core. To your being.

It is OK to be miserable sometimes.

It is OK to not agree with most people agree with.

It is OK to not follow what majority feels should be followed.

Don’t put a mask. Don’t hide your real self. You’re beautiful, why would you do such a thing? Yes, probably you’re flawed. And probably, you’ve done mistakes.

But who hasn’t?

We’ll are flawed. We’ll are imperfect. That’s how you identify a human.

Be your real self. And wear that.

Keep learning. Admit your failings. Take a stand. Apologize if it is a wrong stand. Make mistakes. Grow out of your comfort zone. Accept your flaws. Be kind. Be compassionate. Don’t judge. Elevate people. Help people. Love people. Take the course you always wanted do. Quit the job if you hate it. Take that vacation. Write that book. Paint that masterpiece.Tell someone what you always wanted to. Be genuine. Be real. Be confident. Be love.

Let the individual that you’re shine. And shine gloriously.

Live without the mask.

Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it is a bit tough.

But it is worth it.

Continuing the story.

We talked a lot that day. And, it seemed that she genuinely wants to be her real self. To grow out of the masks. To come out of what would people say syndrome.

And, we made a rough sketch for her. A timeline, a sort of plan. Something through which she can shed the masks.

And, I learnt a lot too.

Probably, I still have scope of being more genuine and more real.

I’ll keep working on it.

And for you, next time when someone asks you that how are you or how have you been.

Answer it more genuinely than a fine.

Tell them, how you really are feeling.

Get fucking out of the standard mask templates of “I am doing fine”

Go now. Be awesome.

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Beyond the Tyranny of Judging People.

people-walking-in-city

 

“I think that my job is to observe people and the world, and not to judge them. I always hope to position myself away from so-called conclusions. I would like to leave everything wide open to all the possibilities in the world.”
― Haruki Murakami

 

I wrote about Being Slave of Money around a month ago.

(To get the most grip of the post, it would be better if you read that post first and then continue reading this)

There I wrote about my cousin brother who is running madly behind the idea of money and is possibly leaving behind all the possible essential things behind- like relationships, being happy, being content or just living. And how is miserable. And cocky. And arrogant.

That was a month ago.

And after following the concept of Minimalism for almost another month and after failing in keeping up with it many times  or so, I realized that I was wrong.

Wrong not in the idea of that post, wrong not in the intention behind the post, wrong not behind the thought of the post. I still believe that no-one should blindly run behind money.

But I was wrong because I judged. 

Is judging itself bad? No, not really. But it is definitely a symptom of something that can be harmful.

I am saying ‘harmful’ and not ‘bad’, because rather than judging it to be good or bad, I prefer to observe it.

I realized that I am very ignorant of my brother is going through.

I realized that in a way I am stating that I am superior to him which I am not, I am being extremely self-centric.

I realized that I don’t understand the situation completely. I never can because I am not him.

I also realized that I am setting expectations from people. Unrealistic expectations.

I am not being curious as to why the other person is behaving the way he is, I am just judging him and dismissing him.

Also, I realized that I am not really helping him. And, I cannot help him too because I have already judged and dismissed him.

And I am kind of frustrated and unhappy with the way the other person is behaved.

It also affected the relationship with him because once you judge, you generally see the person in only that light.

I am unable to help, unable to take what the other person has to offer to me as a person. Among many such other harms.

And now, just replace my example with the countless time you’ve done the same with some other person. Fill it with spouse, lover, brother, parents, friends, strangers. Anyone.

You’ll notice the same pattern, mostly.

The question emerges-

How do you let go of Judging people?

The first thing to do will to be aware of that you’re judging.

Just be aware that you’re doing it.

Don’t judge yourself for it, don’t get angry on yourself.

Just know that you’re doing, that you’re judging.

That you’re indulging in an activity which is harmful, for others and for you.

This takes practice. This takes extra awareness. To know that you’re judging. To see it as a flag of something harmful.

There are symptoms which will tell you that you’re judging- if you’re complaining about someone, gossiping about them, dismissing them as a person.

Identify the symbols and know you’re judging. Recognize them.

After recognizing, try to understand why you judged in first place. Why? Be curious. Ask questions like-

How much do I know about the person?

Can you guess what other person is really going through?

Are you setting an expectation which is unrealistic?

Can you fit in other person’s shoes?

Can you imagine a time when you went through similar times?

Ask these questions.

Then ask yourself: How can I help?

At many times, people need someone to listen, someone who accepts them without judging.

Someone who can sit beside them and look in their eyes and talk with them. And appreciate them for who they’re.

Sometimes, they need more: advice, guide or a hug.

But I’ve realized something that you can’t help them from the place of judgement. It is only when you accept them. Appreciate them. Be empathetic towards them can you really help them. Be curious about them. Not before.

I realized that I’ve judged my brother soon.

I went to meet him one day and talked with him.

It took him a while to open up as himself.

But he did and he told me things.

Things like how he recently had a break up, things like how he has a will to support his parents, things like how he is tired of being obese and not having true friends. Things like how he goes to parties just so that he find some people who will accept him.

I just listened. Intently, curiously and with empathy.

And after days, I saw him happy.

As it turned out, all he needed was someone to listen and appreciate for who is and what he is.

And I felt happier in the process.  

Try it next time. You’ll change lives.

Not only of others but of your own. 

Other Awesome Reads-

A Simple Method to Avoid Being Judgemental– Zen Habits

 

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Minimalism- No Need to Explain Yourself.

“You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It’s their mistake, not my failing.”
― Richard Feynman

I was pursuing a particular line of career.

I left it few months back.

I realized it soon enough that it is not my cup of tea. Not necessarily hard or bad but something which I find no interest in.

And, simply put, I couldn’t see myself doing that thing for my entire life.

So, I took the decision to not pursue it anymore.

Simple enough, right?

Wrong. 

For the initial months, I felt like some criminal where people were asking me questions and I was explaining myself in the court of law.

“No, no, that’s not why I left it..”

“No, that’s not what I meant..”

“But, I had valid reasons to do so..”

These became the initial dialogues with what followed was a defense as to why I was right in doing what I do.

And I don’t blame people.

The problem was with me.

I felt this unquenchable thirst to go around and explain myself.

To go around and justify my actions.

To go around and say and try to prove that I was right.

And, if you’re anything like me, you do the same.

You go around explaining as to why you are correct.

You go around justifying your words and your actions, even though it doesn’t have to do anything with other people.

You go telling in a hope that everyone would agree with you. And will support you. And pat your back.

Listen. Listen, hard. You don’t need to do that.

People who require an explanation from you, they won’t understand you anyways. You cannot control how they think, how they feel about you. You cannot. So let go of that need. Really.

And people who matter- really close people to you- they might worry about you for some days but they’ll understand you eventually. They will know why you did it. They will support you. They’ll stand beside you and they’ll stand behind you when you fall. Because for them: you’re enough.

You don’t need to explain your actions. Really. 

If you’re sure about what you’re doing. If you know what you’re doing. You’re good to go.

When you go and explain yourself, it seems you’re guilty of something. And, you’re explaining your way out of it.

Are you guilty if you’re taking control back your life?

Are you guilty if you’re letting go of shitty relations?

Are you guilty if you’re leaving behind the past and starting afresh?

Are you guilty if you choose happiness?

Are you guilty if you choose to follow your dreams?

No, you’re not. You’re not guilty. 

And, it is not people’s fault. They don’t live your life.  They don’t know how you’re feeling. They can’t understand.

They will think what they want to.

And, YOU can’t control that. 

You can’t control what people think.

In the process of trying, you’ll be destroying yourself.

Your beliefs. Your dreams. And, your own self. The self-confidence.

The only person who deserves an explanation of your actions is yourself. No one else. Just you.

Solution to this?

Stop explaining yourself.

Stop explaining who you’re. Stop explaining why you do what you do. Stop explaining and justifying each of your life’s action.

Really, you think they’ll understand why you took that divorce or why you quit that job or why you changed that career or why you went into a relationship with that person or why you let go of that relation or why you do what you do?

They won’t. They can’t. So stop trying. Just stop. Put an end to it. 

It is OK to explain sometimes, when you feel you’re misunderstood, or if you have hurt someone mistakenly: it is OK. But don’t feel obligated to explain yourself.

You’re not obligated to explain yourself to anyone.

You’re not obligated to justify your choices.

You deserve to be happy. And until your decision doesn’t harm anyone, you’re free to choose happiness.

And you don’t owe an explanation as to why you chose happiness. 

Just remember: You can’t control other people’s thinking. You simply cannot. So there is no point of explanation or justification.

And people who matter will understand without explaining or justifying.

Go now. Be awesome. 

Other Reads:

1) Stop Justifying your feelings– Tiny Wisdom

2) You Don’t Need To Explain Yourself– The Minimalists

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Minimalism and The Race To Impress.

“Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you’re making.”
― C.S. Lewis

 

I have this really good friend of mine.

We have known each other since years now.

And, I really adore him.

His determination. His passion. His will to grow.

And his never-ending curiosity.

But yet he is not happy. He smokes. He is an alcoholic.

And, I have seen him cry over his life ample times.

And he comes to me for help. For words.

I wonder to myself: Where has he gone wrong?

I realized it recently. Really.

He tries too hard to impress others. In very superficial ways.

He doesn’t like pubs. But he will still go because he feels that’s the ‘trend’

He doesn’t like alcohol much. He has admitted it. He has told me.

But he will still drink because apparently that’s what makes a person ‘cool’

He isn’t really is comfortable with the clothes he wears.

But still. He wears it. Because he feels it will impress others.

And countless other things he does just in order to impress others.

And I realized it is not just him. It is not just you. It is all of us.

How much ever we deny, we all are at some point guilty of trying to impress others.

Not by being ourselves. But by trying and create a superfluous aura around ourselves.

This ‘Oh, please approve of me’ culture of ours is taking a hideous turn.

And, I give some credits to social media.

We try to impress others. It is a race.

Through status, through photos, through witty tweets. All this things.

Through big fancy mobiles, through big fancy bungalows, through big figure salaries.

Through all the glam and jazz. Through clothes and superfluous things.

Through how big your TV is and how many apps you have and which brand you wear.

Through how many degrees you have. And your achievements.

We wait for people to like our stuff.

We wait for people to approve of us.

I can almost listen them shouting, “Please like us”

I am equally guilty of this.

We’re social creatures. We want to impress people. We want people to like us.

There is nothing inherently wrong with it.

The problem starts when we start to defy our own values. Our likes. Our dislikes. Our taste. And follow what might just be ‘sale-able’ or what might just be a ‘trend’

I have seen countless people doing something which they detest just because they think it impresses others.

I have seen countless people working in a field they hate and earn money and buy material things  in order to impress or to maintain ‘status’, as they call it.

And, I have seen countless people and bragging and trying to impress me through all this stuff.

Listen hard.

You are not impressing me with all that.

Neither your job title of CA, CS, CFA, CPA or whatever ‘C’ nor your salary.

Nor your fancy cars or bungalows.

Nor your wardrobe or how much you party or what brand you wear.

Nor how many followers you have on twitter or how many friends you have on Facebook or how you’re the ‘life’ of every party and your friend’s group.

These things don’t impress me.

You impress me.

You the person impresses me.

Not your stuff. Not your salary. Not your fancy job titles.

You.

Your commitment to growth impresses me.

Your commitment to learn impresses me.

Your curiosity impress me.

Your kindness, your compassion, your outlook towards life, all these things impress me.

How you treat your fellow humans impresses me.

Your values impress me.

Your love impresses me.

Your warmth impresses me.

Stop trying to impress people with your stuff. With your titles. With things and titles external to you.

Some people will always have more ‘stuff’ and those ‘other things’ than you.

Impress with who you’re. Where you are. And where you want to be.

Impress with passion. Impress with laugh. Impress with love.

Impress with your life. Impress with how you live.

Impress with yourself.

Because trust me, there is only one you.

You’re fucking unique. So be that way.


Other awesome relatable reads:

YOU ARE NOT IMPRESSING ME– By The Minimalist

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Minimalism and Letting Go of Shitty Relations.

“If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see you for the mistakes you’ve made, if they don’t realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go.” 
― Steve Maraboli

A new year is here. A new beginning, a new sun. But over the years, I have realized that more than wishing for new things, pretty things to happen to you in the coming year, it is more about letting go of the crappy things of this year.

How will new things fill your cup until it is not empty?

I must admit. I have been run over by people. By people from all walks and kind. People who mattered the most as well as by people who didn’t. By people who were close and by people I thought were close. All of them.

And I started cursing them. Getting depressed. Thinking why me and feeling pity for self. Doing things to gain sympathy . Doing things for people so that they accept me. Doing things for people just so they give me their attention. It was almost like begging. No, it was exactly like begging. For love, attention and care. Sounds harsh but that is the cold truth.

Today those people don’t matter. Hell, many of them aren’t even in contact. And they don’t occupy even tinge of space of mind. Why did I clinked to them then? Because, I couldn’t let go. Letting go.

It’s not like I didn’t know, how such relations are affecting me. How I am injuring my conscience and how am I disrupting my peace. But I gave into the temptation. The need of attention, love and care.

I don’t regret it though. That period of my life was one of the most difficult one but also from which I learnt the most.

People are important. No doubt in that. But just ask yourself why did you build the relation? That trust, the bond, the love and the care? Was it for someone else? No, it was for you. So that you could be happy. So that you could feel the bliss of having people you can call your own.

The relation you build is for you. So that you feel happy. So that you experience love. So that you can laugh, smile and be yourself. So that you have someone to share things with. For you. Not for the other person.

Ask yourself. What remains the point of relation where you feel unwanted? A relation which does nothing else apart from reminding you of your flaws and making fun of you.A relation which does nothing else apart from pointing out to your mistakes over and over again. A relation because of which your peace of mind is lost and you feel miserable.  A relation which doesn’t have happiness but desperation as the base. What is the point of such a relation?

Attempt to fix the relations. Attempt it once, attempt it maybe twice. But not thrice. Then you must let go.

What do you fear? Why can’t you let go?

Do you fear being alone?

You’re never alone. Never. Look around and you’ll find that there are people genuinely love you, genuinely care for you and genuinely want to be with you.  Be with them. Love them. Care for them. Why bother with people who don’t reciprocate same feeling as you do for them?

Do you fear being judged?

You have been judged. You are judged. You’ll be judged. That’s how, we have evolved as a society. We make perceptions. Without knowing the stories behind. It will continue to happen. You cannot do much about it except on your individual level. It is not in your control. Let go of this emotion. Let go. Be yourself. And be with people who understand who you’re.

Do you fear people not liking you?

You cannot please everyone. The faster you accept it, the better. Some people will never like you. Regardless of whatever you do. They just don’t like you. Good for them. Why do you need their approval for who you’re anyways? Instead why don’t you focus on people who love you, care for you and want to be with you? Take a stand and maintain a distance from people who disrupt your peace. They might not like you still but they will surely respect you.

Do you fear solitude?

Always remember why you attach with people in first place- to feel happy, to feel content, to have someone for you, to have someone you can call yours. It is for you. What is the point of countless relations if you don’t connect to yourself? Having a deep, loving and compassionate relation with yourself is the best relation you’ll ever have. Hit me, if you found it to be not true.

It is OKAY to move on from all the shitty relations. It is fine. You owe yourself that much. You owe yourself happiness. You owe yourself freedom. You owe yourself love around. You owe yourself bliss. You owe yourself peace and serenity. You owe yourself a caring smile. You owe yourself a caring hug. You owe yourself more than anyone else. 

Let go all the shitty relations. Let go all the depression. Let go all the taunts. Let go of all the neediness. Let go of the tendency to gain sympathy. Let go of the actions to attract attention. You’re much more than that. You’re so much more than that. You can fly. You can touch skies. Don’t let yourself be caged.

Instead be with people you love. Be with people who love you. Be with them. Care for them. Love them. Share experiences with them. Remind them each day by words and actions that how they keep you happy. Add value to their life. Grow together. Laugh and smile with them. Share things with them. Do things to make them happy. Do happy things together. Dance. Sing. Live. Fly. Breathe.

Reflect and you’ll realize, far too much time we all have wasted by being in such relations. By feeling sorry. Pitying self. Feeling Depressed. Get out of it. It is a new year. A new beginning. And the perfect time to let go of shitty relations.

Just fucking move on, will you?

Happy New years, folks!